Breaking, Broken
by urcool91
Summary: John has been found after having been captured by Moriarty for three years. Sherlock doesn't know how to help him. Written in second person Sherlock's POV, 10 drabbles (100 words each) with songs as their prompt. Rated for dark themes, rape, depression. Mild Johnlock. COMPLETE!
1. Damaged and Bruised

I

_Damaged and bruised  
Like a toy that's been used  
I am nothing to him  
I am nothing to you  
_ - "Damaged and Bruised" by Anna Johnson

You can see the wounds and bruises and scars blanketing his body, though he is covered by a hospital blanket. He lies beneath it, emaciated, weak, fragile. You touch his skeleton-like hand, afraid it will shatter into pieces.

His eyes open. You choke even as he attempts to smile. His eyes have always been so full, full of sunlight and good will even at the darkest times. Now they are empty, dead.

You have only seen them like that once before: when he was strapped to the bomb. You squeeze his hand, hoping it won't break like your heart.


	2. You Found Me

II

_You found me  
You found me  
Lying on the floor  
Surrounded Surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
_- "You Found Me" by The Fray

You wince when he has to rest on the stairs. He's still injured and thinner than he should be, but you were hoping to get up to 221b without incident. Apparently that was too much to ask.

When you both reach the top of the stairs you bound away to make tea. You can hear his cane on the ground as he follows you in. You begin to boil the water and are attempting to find the tea when you hear a thump behind you.

You turn and your heart wrenches. He fell and you weren't there to catch him.


	3. As Long as You're Mine

III

_Kiss me too fiercely  
Hold me too tight  
I need help believing  
You're with me tonight  
_- "As Long as You're Mine" from the musical _Wicked_

You insist on him taking your room. One flight of stairs was enough. You cannot sleep.

At first you're in his room. You toss and turn. The flat seems just as empty as before you rescued him. It's suffocating. You move to the couch.

His door is just within view. You position yourself so you face it. A fear gnaws at you. It is as though he isn't even there. He might have been taken again. You check and see that he's there, curled in a ball.

Again and again you check. Finally you climb in beside him, barely touching.


	4. I Dreamed a Dream

IV

_I dreamed a dream in time gone by  
When hope was high and life worth living  
I dreamed that love would never die  
I dreamed that God would be forgiving  
_- "I Dreamed a Dream" from the musical _Les Miserables_

You realize that you will never go back to what life was before. Though he smiles for your sake, John's light has left his eyes. You cannot help but look in every few minutes to see if he's still there.

He never talks about those three missing years. Sometimes he'll sit for hours, remembering, looking small and alone. Then you'll stroke his jaw or touch his greying hair, and he'll look up at you.

When he thinks you aren't paying attention, he'll allow his mask to fall. Then you know you cannot help, even though you want to. He's too harmed.


	5. Fix You

V

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try  
To fix you  
_- "Fix You," made famous by Coldplay

He needs something. He barely eats, barely talks, barely even moves. You cannot help him no matter what you do. If you can't help him, who can?

You don't know who ho turn to. He would be mortified if you told. You stoop so low as to call Mycroft. He refers you to a therapist: Sylvia Canfield.

He doesn't want to go. But he's forced to because Mycroft threatens to send a car. When he comes back he's changed. It's not a big change, more like one wave's erosion of a cliff.

You only hope he'll get better.


	6. Oh My Dear

VI

_Oh my dear  
I will wait for you  
And grace tonight  
Will pull us through  
-_ "Oh My Dear" by Tenth Avenue North

Shortly after he begins going to the therapist, his nightmares become worse than ever. You panic until she tells you it's normal. After all, he's bringing pain to the forefront.

One night you've had enough. When he wakes up, stifling a scream, biting his knuckles until they bleed, you are there. You hold him to yourself, and he clutches your nightshirt. You find yourself running your hand through his hair, murmuring that it's all right even though it isn't, trying to calm him. Eventually he falls asleep in your arms.

You could leave, but you stay. You stay every night.


	7. I Don't Know How to Love Him

VII

_Should I bring him down?  
Should I scream and shout?  
Should I speak of love?  
Let my feelings out?  
_- "I Don't Know How to Love Him" from the musical _Jesus Christ, Superstar_

As you hold him on these dangerous nights, something in you begins to change. He seems so fragile now, nothing like the John you once knew. You want to protect him from everything. You can't. This isn't a criminal you can hunt down, this is a specter created by three years of captivity.

You clutch him to you more tightly. Moriarty is still out there; you've seen the signs even if no one else has. John is still recovering. You can't actively hunt Moriarty, but you can ensure that he never touches John again.

You will not fail this time.


	8. Eyes Open

VIII

_Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown  
Everybody's watching to see the fallout  
Even when you're sleeping  
Keep your eyes open _  
- "Eyes Open" by Taylor Swift

The nightmares have finally slowed when you are forced to chase a criminal one night. You loath leaving him, but this man is the key to Moriarty. He assures you that he will be fine.

When you come back he is not fine. He lies naked, cured in a ball. His shoulders heave with sobs.

"What happened?" He tenses.

"M- Moriarty. He came in, there was nothing I could- He just-" Rage fills you. You understand perfectly.

You drape an arm over John protectively. You know now why he never talked about his captivity.

"I won't let him have you again."


	9. All I Ask of You

IX

_No more talk of darkness  
Forget these wide-eyed fears  
I'm here; nothing can harm you  
My words will warm and calm you  
_- "All I Ask of You" from the musical _The Phantom of the Opera_

You never leave his side now. Before he would have rolled his eyes and called you overprotective, but he seems calmed by your presence. You don't sleep or chase criminals at all hours of the night. You offer Moriarty no more opportunities.

He is morose and untalkative. All progress has been lost. He jumps at the slightest sound and leaves his food untouched.

You are always touching. The human contact calms him. It usually isn't a large gesture, but even softly brushing his cheek makes the tension lines at his neck less prominent.

You close in on Moriarty.


	10. Wash Away Those Years

X

_Now you just close your eyes  
And just imagine everything's all right  
But do not hide your tears  
'Cause they were sent to wash away those years  
_- "Wash Away Those Years" by Creed

You've found Moriarty, you are certain. You call Lestrade and tell him the address. Two hours later he texts you and you breath a sigh of relief. Moriarty is dead, shot by his own men when they realized that the police had them. John is safe.

When you tell him, he is stunned. Then, slowly, he begins to cry and laugh at the same time. The two of you are hugging as though you man still be pulled from each other by Moriarty.

He is still damaged, but the threat is over. Now you can help him heal in peace.


End file.
